Where did Wonder Woman go?

My inner Wonder Woman has officially left the building.  Every feeding today so far is accompanied by a flood of tears.. from me, not the baby.  Her feedings are taking over an hour each time and she is maybe taking a little over 2oz.  Oh yes, and on top of that projectile spit up occurs almost every time- out her nose and mouth.  So sad. 
To say I am frustrated and scared of what is coming next is an understatement.  This poor girl (Izzie, I mean) is so tired and tired of eating.  I feel like everytime she looks at me it is with a bottle in my hand.  On some level, at this point, I will be relieved to have a NG tube.  At least then I will know she is getting the nutrients that she needs and not burning off the lot of it just tring to take it in...  our appointment is on Wednesday, so we will find out what they recommend.

Hope is 5!.. and the baby cried!

Hope is 5, I love it.  We had such a good day.  Woke up to presents and homemade waffles, then off to school in her new workout outfit to celebrate with her friends at her school party.. Birthdya oreo's and vanilla milk were the treats of choice this birthday.
Then Beau and I picked her up from school and took her to lunch at... Bread Co, surprise, surprise. 

Hope, Izzie and I then went off to the library and then to get ice cream with friends after bubba got out of school.  Exhausting.

So much so, that she missed her requested dinner, roasted salmon.

Izzie also cried at before two feedings today!  Probably the first time since she was born that she cried bc she was hungry.  This girl would sleep all day if I didnt wake her up to eat.  You cant understand how awesome it is to hear her cry!

Isabel Louise Reinberg... discovery, birth to 4 weeks.. etc

I dont know where to start...
Pregnancy- 18 week ultrasound.
My thoughts:  3rd baby, been there done that, no need for Beau to come- so sure, he can go to Canada for a bachelor party, no problem,  I will take my mother-in-law and two kiddos to see the baby for the experience and we'll get lunch after.. sounds fun!
The US took FOREVER.  This was way longer than I remembered.  The tech was totally stoic and I remember stating at one point as she was looking at the heart... "everything looking good?!".  She kept saying she just needed a few more pictures of the heart. 
When she was finished, she didnt tell me I needed to stay, so I gatherd the family and left, thinking my dr. would tell me about it when I saw her the next week.  We got to Bread Co. and ordered and as we sat down I got a call from the dr.s at Mo Bap.  He asked if I was still at the office and I told him no, but did I need to be?  He said they found something wrong with the heart... words you never want to hear.  Still brings tears to my eyes as I recap the moment in my mind.  Frantic.  That is how I felt.  I said it out loud to Linda who was just sitting down at the table with the food... "We have to go.. there is something wrong with the baby's heart, we have to go back". 
I sat in the office waiting for the dr.  Alone.  I had called Beau and txt him that it was an emergency.  He listened over the phone as the dr. explained.  It looks like the baby has a heart defect.  AND... the nasal bone is absent which both are strong markers for Trisomy 21.  BOMB.  At least that is how it felt at the moment.  The heart defect felt like a breeze compared to the Trisomy 21, as bad as that might sound. 
Truly I was devastated.  Weird to say now, looking at this beautiful baby girl.  I dont feel any of those feelings that I did during my pregnancy now that she is in my arms.  I can only empathize with the me of 6 months ago.
Dr. visits, so many... fear, anger, sadness... that is what I felt until December 1, 2014.  That is the truth. 
December 1, 2014, 10:10 pm.  6lb 14oz, 19 1/2 inches.

Izzie Lou.