Guilt

I really did not think I would feel this way. My thought, prior to this, was that I am not sad for the fact that Al will no longer be my only baby, this was just the way it would be, the way God wanted it; and now, I am in the midst of the reality of the situation and it is so much harder than I imagined. He is so sweet...

... and now he is not the only one. He has to share, and at first (the first few days, Hope was home) he was rather oblivious and generally happy. However, times seem to have changed in the past 48 hours. He has never been a clingy child, and now he wants no one but me. He wants me to do everything for him. I just feel so bad. I want him to know that she is not replacing him, but how do you say that to a 17 month old? I know this too shall pass, and it will become normal, but right now I am so sad. Every morning when he wakes up, it just happens to be right when Hope wakes up to nurse, so when he comes to watch cartoons in our bed, I have Hope in my arms. This morning he came up and tried to push her out of my arms... so I gave her to Leah and told him that he could come and snuggle with mommy. He was so happy that it made me sad again. Hormones... I know I will figure it out... how to balance my time with the two babies and understand when Al is justified in getting my attention and when to say it is okay that he is upset because it is my time to be with Hope. I am just getting used to it all, as we all are here in the Reinberg Family. I am so thankful that Beau is being 100% supportive of my crazy crying spells and often turns them into laughing moments. (he says the aliens are back. ;) )

Nonnie and Lee Lee left today, but we so enjoyed having them here! I love them ad wish so badly that they lived closer,but it makes their visits that much better. I will post more pictures after Hope's one week appointment this afternoon.

More of Hope and Family

So hilarious.. I swear she did not suffocate on the way home, and she was definitely warm enough!

This is sweet baby Al, hapily eating pancakes... shortly after letting Hope watch morning cartoons with him. :)

He is such a ham these days, saying "cheese!" everytime we pull out the camera now.

Hope Margaret Reinberg

Sleeping peacefully her first night home

My first meeting with Hope

Just after she was born... look at the position of those legs!

...formerly, Baby Girl, was born January 8th at 8:33 pm. She weighed in at 6lb 7oz and was 20 inches long. When I scheduled the ECV last Tuesday, I asked God to give me a sign if He didnt want me to do it, and apparently that was not on his agenda. Either that, or Hope couldnt take the enormous root beer float and chili cheese dog I ate for lunch on Friday afternoon.

Here is how the day went down... felt really good until after lunch, when around 3 or so I started tracking my contractions bc they were starting to hurt way more than normal. They were the kind that start in your back and wrap around to the front and were fairly regular at about every 6 or 7 minutes. So, I call Beau to go get all bc I didnt feel comfortable driving with him in the car and I went home around 4:30 to lay down. By the time they got home at about 5:30, I thought maybe we should go in to the hospital just to check... so I packed a sparse bag and my camera just in case and we headed in, really not thinking much of it. By the time they first checked me I was at 5 cm dilated and about 45 min later I was at a 7... needless to say when the dr realized how the progression was going, everyone was "in a tizzy" flying around me and I was in the OR in about 20 minutes. The anesthesiologist kept saying, dont worry we are going to get you out of this pain.. and I was thinking, "I am not in that much pain! why is everyone freaking out!". The OR was cold and bright and nothing like giving birth to Al. I got the spinal and then they had the baby out in 15 minutes, which was all so weird and abrupt. There i lay on the table gazing to my right at Beau and the baby and thinking how weird it all was...

The pain is somewhat similar to normal birth, just in a different place... but it lasts so much longer! By this time with Al I felt like new again and right now I am still taking motrin and struggling to bend over and get out of bed. ugh... not to complain or anything!

I am just so glad she is here happy and healthy as can be... and quite a size for being only 36 weeks and 3 days! I loved being in the hospital and stayed as long as I could, though I missed my baby boy. He didnt seem to share the same feelings though as he couldnt wait to leave with grandma and grandpa each night when he came to see me and Hope. :) Al is a sweetie and thus far has been a completely loving big brother.

Hope is a champion nurser and a peaceful baby so far. She looks just like her daddy did when he was a baby. Enjoying the two weeks that Hope and I get to spend together and looking forward to having Al join in the fun when I am a little more recovered!

Ribs, Cravings and NAP Pillows

Baby girls feet are seriously jammed into the right side of my ribs. I have to sit with my right arm over my head to give her room.. so funny to me. I wonder what that must feel like for her. Her baby head protrudes from the right side of my stomach, just above my belly button. What is going on on the left side... nothing, absolutely nothing. It is like my uterus is crooked. Everything is on my right side.

I just ate an entire bag of snap peas (the frozen ones that you put in the microwave... yumm). I also love whole, raw carrots. Part rabbit, part girl. Dont worry, there is a cheese pizza in the oven. Beau and I are also totally obsessed with whole edamame (from a frozen bag, similar to the snap peas), lots of salt... delicious. Al will eat a couple, but is generally not interested.

And finally... the N.A.P. pillow from Brookstone. If you dont have one; run, dont walk, to the nearest store and get one. Especially if you are pregnant. They are not expensive, and are the best little multi-purpose pillow... for cuddling, neck resting, belly propping, back comfort, and I also plan on using it to prop my arms for nursing. It is unbelieveable. Al has one too, he also loves it and sleeps with it every night.

36 week apt.

If you look closely, I swear you can see a small bump at the top of my belly (her head)

All is same... we discussed what will happen before during and after c-section and the same with the ECV "trying to turn the baby". Beau and I decided to try the ECV after talking with the dr. more about it. So we scheduled it for next wednesday morning. I will be at the hospital for 3-4 hours and then be released. 60% success rate, so say some prayers!

Al's words

At almost 17 months here's some of the things he can say now... (for my records, you see I'm not the baby book type)
1. Two, three, eight (we are working on the others)
2. grape ("gape")
3. Ava
4. Brady ("bee bee" his friend at school)
5. truck
6. tractor
7. socks
8. shoes
9. back pack
10. bowl
11. spoon and fork
12. orange
13. blueberry ("bubee")

Not so good with the R's yet, but it is so cute to hear him talk. He is starting to be able to tell me what he wants if I give him two options and understand more and more when I tell him what to do... "pick up the book" for instance. Sometimes when I ask him to do something though, he flat out tells me "no", like uh I dont think so mom. It is not harsh, but more matter of fact. too funny

Little Body Builder

One of Al's new resolutions was to get in shape...

I had to add this last one because his little legs looked hilarious... Im thinking power lifter