Guilt

I really did not think I would feel this way. My thought, prior to this, was that I am not sad for the fact that Al will no longer be my only baby, this was just the way it would be, the way God wanted it; and now, I am in the midst of the reality of the situation and it is so much harder than I imagined. He is so sweet...

... and now he is not the only one. He has to share, and at first (the first few days, Hope was home) he was rather oblivious and generally happy. However, times seem to have changed in the past 48 hours. He has never been a clingy child, and now he wants no one but me. He wants me to do everything for him. I just feel so bad. I want him to know that she is not replacing him, but how do you say that to a 17 month old? I know this too shall pass, and it will become normal, but right now I am so sad. Every morning when he wakes up, it just happens to be right when Hope wakes up to nurse, so when he comes to watch cartoons in our bed, I have Hope in my arms. This morning he came up and tried to push her out of my arms... so I gave her to Leah and told him that he could come and snuggle with mommy. He was so happy that it made me sad again. Hormones... I know I will figure it out... how to balance my time with the two babies and understand when Al is justified in getting my attention and when to say it is okay that he is upset because it is my time to be with Hope. I am just getting used to it all, as we all are here in the Reinberg Family. I am so thankful that Beau is being 100% supportive of my crazy crying spells and often turns them into laughing moments. (he says the aliens are back. ;) )

Nonnie and Lee Lee left today, but we so enjoyed having them here! I love them ad wish so badly that they lived closer,but it makes their visits that much better. I will post more pictures after Hope's one week appointment this afternoon.